the tentmaker

daily thoughts on the common lectionary

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Location: Sharpsburg, Georgia, United States

"...because he was of the same trade, he stayed with them, and they worked together — by trade they were tentmakers." Acts 18:3. Tentmaker is a title taken by bi-vocational pastors. As such, I am both a pastor and a project manager. I am a pastor of a local congregation of moderate, accepting and affirming people who worship in the Baptist tradition. We call our church "Hope Memorial Baptist" and we are about 40 in number. I am also a project manager of major construction projects for the State of Georgia. My home and church is in rural Coweta County, between Peachtree City and Newnan, with a mailing address of Sharpsburg, Georgia.

Thursday, November 09, 2006

Update - Day three of the new meds.

Doctor Crazy Horse has put me on a 28 day leave from the work downtown. I'm still actively pursuing my pastoral duties, though. My new meds have not taken full effect yet, and probably won't for a few more weeks. They are so powerful that I have to start on 1/8 the maintenance dose and gradually work up to the full dose over a six week period.

My depression, while still there, is not as overwhelming as it was when I penned the "Dark Night..."

It all started about a month ago as the stress level at work downtown took a significant rise in intensity. I began to have periods of inexplicable agitation exhibited by impatience, snappy, short answers and anger. Years ago when I first got treatment for my depression, I also exhibited periods of uncontrolled rage. With the old meds, the rage episodes went away. Well now the rage thing happened one night while sitting at the computer. I felt agitated and every little thing increased the agitation. Suddenly, I went into an uncontrolled rage, slamming the telephone to the floor and picking up an empty perscription bottle and hurling it across the rooom at my wife, who ducked and was not hit.

That episode brought on intense guilt and eventually intense depression. I tried to work a couple of weeks but then two weeks ago I began to cry for no apparent reason. I cried for three days. Well, I couldn't supervise a bunch of architects and contractors with tears running down my face and every word comming out of my mouth an incomprehensible blubber. So I made the trek to HR. They were understanding and suggested a period of Family Leave.

I'm on Family leave and some poor sod is trying to figure out all my projects while I sit here banging away on the keyboard. Again, reason to feel guilty.

4 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

I'll join you in your prayers. being human is a tough gig. having emotions and feelings and swirling thoughts and biological chaos is more than we can handle alone. I want to let you know that I hear you and will pray for you. you're a blessing and target of divine grace. grace. grace. grace.

11/10/2006 2:26 AM  
Blogger the tentmaker said...

Thank you, Christopher. Knowing you are out there supporting me in prayer brings me great comfort.

God bless you.

Joel

11/10/2006 1:27 PM  
Blogger net said...

(((Joel))) Prayers going up for you and your dear wife!

11/13/2006 9:26 AM  
Blogger the reverend mommy said...

(o)
No guilt.
Just grace. Lots and lots and lots of grace.

11/13/2006 8:38 PM  

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