Update - Day three of the new meds.

Doctor Crazy Horse has put me on a 28 day leave from the work downtown. I'm still actively pursuing my pastoral duties, though. My new meds have not taken full effect yet, and probably won't for a few more weeks. They are so powerful that I have to start on 1/8 the maintenance dose and gradually work up to the full dose over a six week period.

My depression, while still there, is not as overwhelming as it was when I penned the "Dark Night..."

It all started about a month ago as the stress level at work downtown took a significant rise in intensity. I began to have periods of inexplicable agitation exhibited by impatience, snappy, short answers and anger. Years ago when I first got treatment for my depression, I also exhibited periods of uncontrolled rage. With the old meds, the rage episodes went away. Well now the rage thing happened one night while sitting at the computer. I felt agitated and every little thing increased the agitation. Suddenly, I went into an uncontrolled rage, slamming the telephone to the floor and picking up an empty perscription bottle and hurling it across the rooom at my wife, who ducked and was not hit.

That episode brought on intense guilt and eventually intense depression. I tried to work a couple of weeks but then two weeks ago I began to cry for no apparent reason. I cried for three days. Well, I couldn't supervise a bunch of architects and contractors with tears running down my face and every word comming out of my mouth an incomprehensible blubber. So I made the trek to HR. They were understanding and suggested a period of Family Leave.

I'm on Family leave and some poor sod is trying to figure out all my projects while I sit here banging away on the keyboard. Again, reason to feel guilty.