the tentmaker

daily thoughts on the common lectionary

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Location: Sharpsburg, Georgia, United States

"...because he was of the same trade, he stayed with them, and they worked together — by trade they were tentmakers." Acts 18:3. Tentmaker is a title taken by bi-vocational pastors. As such, I am both a pastor and a project manager. I am a pastor of a local congregation of moderate, accepting and affirming people who worship in the Baptist tradition. We call our church "Hope Memorial Baptist" and we are about 40 in number. I am also a project manager of major construction projects for the State of Georgia. My home and church is in rural Coweta County, between Peachtree City and Newnan, with a mailing address of Sharpsburg, Georgia.

Monday, November 06, 2006

Dark Night of the Soul

Like orphaned stars and spent galaxies
swirling around the vortex
being drawn ever down,
ever deeper into the abyss
that is the black hole,
so is the dark night of my soul.
—the tentmaker

For ten years now I have successfully warded off the dread depression. But now, in the last several weeks, it has returned. And it has returned with a vengance known only by God, himself. Nothing, not prayer, not the rosary, not the scriptures, nothing, can bring me out into the light.

My medication is not helping anymore. I found a new doctor who says that my depression is only one pole of a bi-polar personality and that I need new meds.

1 Out of the depths I cry to you, O LORD.
2 Lord, hear my voice! Let your ears be attentive to the voice of my supplications!
3 If you, O LORD, should mark iniquities, Lord, who could stand?
4 But there is forgiveness with you, so that you may be revered.
5 I wait for the LORD, my soul waits, and in his word I hope;
6 my soul waits for the Lord more than those who watch for the morning, more than those who watch for the morning.
7 O Israel, hope in the LORD! For with the LORD there is steadfast love, and with him is great power to redeem.
8 It is he who will redeem Israel from all its iniquities.
Psalm 130


Blogger Tripp Hudgins said...

You are in my prayers, brother. May God gift you with His light...

11/07/2006 7:50 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

many prayers your way. i have depression, but i dont know if it's stress (pychosomatic) or biological. well, i dont want to share too much in this comment forum. prayers to you and I hope that you can heal and express this struggle in a helpful way for yourself and others whom care for you. i hope that your new medicines aid you well.

11/09/2006 12:48 AM  
Blogger Bad Alice said...

I feel for you. I just recently found out that my depression is part of a bi-polar issue. People tend to think that people bounce between depression and euphoria, but in fact you can go between depression and rage or anxiety. I hope the new meds will work out for you.

11/17/2006 11:41 AM  
Blogger the tentmaker said...

Thanks, bad, it's good to see you up and about on the blog again.

11/17/2006 11:09 PM  

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